Having been ill with a virus and then pneumonia for the past month, I have struggled to keep my spirits up and not get buried under my low energy and lack of oxygen! As much as I have unending gratitude for the blessings in my life, day after day of feeling like crap can zap me and then I cycle into self recriminations /judging myself and how dare I feel anger, self pity or just low energy.
I seemed to have more Joy and creativity during the gray cold days of Winter than I do now as Spring is bursting open! I assume that is part of the reason for my slight depression. Just when I want to mulch, compost, garden and spring clean, I am congested and even the slightest bit of dust sets me into a round of coughing and wheezing!
Just before I became ill, I was reading Julia Cameron’s Veins of Gold (which I have had forever and never got around to reading!)
I had gained so much a few years ago from rereading The Artist’s Way and felt the need to stir my creativity/ spirit in those cold days of winter.
Well, becoming ill put an end to reading or anything creative. All I could seem to manage was sleep, cough, gag, sneeze, blow and maybe watch a movie when my head wasn’t throbbing. And just as I was so proud that I recovered from the virus /infection without an antibiotic (which seem to wreak havoc with me) I developed the pneumonia. UGH. So I convinced my physician that I still didn’t need an antibiotic but prednizone for my asthma which I knew was responsible for clasping down on my inflamed lungs and bronchial tubes! She made me promise to contact her immediately at the first sign of fever/infection. And now as I cough less and come to the last three days of steroids, I am manifesting healing lungs and fresh energy, just as the world is growing green and the sun moves farther north!
It is interesting to me that a wave of anger triggered my new burst of energy and creativity. I awoke to words and poems tumbling around in my head. I wrote and wrote, including some amends letters I have put off writing for months. I feel refreshed and ready to begin anew to nurture myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and creatively! I plan to sit in the sun today, reading Veins of Gold, listening to native drum music, soaking up birdsong and the fresh breeze. I am manifesting not only healing but forgiving myself for my human failings of not always being grateful or joyful. And hoping the eternal cycle of the seasons returns my Joy and Gratitude on the wind.
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