Will I Ever Learn? Following My Own Advice.

Just when I think I finally have some wisdom or have an issue resolved, it always seems to come back and bite me in the ass!

I spent most of the last two years, just being. I was too sick to do anything else. I had always been about action. I had to always be DOING something whether it was creating, working, planning, controlling or just busy work! But two years ago, I couldn’t. I was physically shot. Oh, I would try mentally to plan, manipulate ( I admit it now but didn’t see it then) control myself and others, and attempt to figure out where I was going in my life and what I need ed to do to get there. But I was hitting the brick wall. That wall named PAIN. I talked to everyone I knew about it. My good friend finally said “Why don’t you give yourself permission to just BE and HEAL”

So because I couldn’t physically do anything else, I let go of my mind and spirit or in better terms, turned it ALL over to my Higher Power. I still read, meditated, talked with friends but the ACTION that had always kept me occupied and vibrating, was gone.

I was able to feel peace. Serenity. Contentment. It was amazing and wonderful. I created a vision board and every single dream on it manifested and came true. (Most of it was spiritual)

So I have been feeling somewhat better physically, a whole lot better emotionally and spiritually and I think I can may be able to DO a few things. I joined a program to help women find their authentic selves. I attended some workshops on The Feminine Soul and Awakening The Muse. I have been getting regular massages, eating well and beginning some baby steps back to yoga and quigong. I decided I could present a workshop on Nurturing Your Spirit. It was magnificent! Nineteen women came and shared themselves and their fears and hopefully learned some ways to better care for themselves.

But I must not have learned much myself. I spent the next two days in bed because I was totally exhausted and hurting. (I have fibromyalgia and Sjogren’s Syndrome, both of which are very painful)

I began talking with others about more groups, workshops, renewing my counseling license (which would require forty hours of workshops ) and then SMACK! God and my husband both hit me figuratively upside the head! I realized I was back on the rollercoaster in my mind and ACTION was taking over, which had landed me in bed to begin with two years ago. DUH!!!! Do I ever learn? Well, yes, I guess I do. And that’s why I have a God, a great husband and dear smart friends I trust who pointed out to me: I need to pace myself (apparently much slower than I have been) practice what I preach (Put on your own oxygen mask first) and be realistic about what I can and cannot do.

Yes, I may be able to present a workshop or facilitate a group for an hour or so every few months. I am chronically ill (a fact) and even though I feel better sometimes, it doesn’t mean I can run myself ragged. Especially like “normal” people do. I tend to forget.

I have a short term (and apparently long term) memory problem.

So today (after I did too much laundry and cleaning around the house) I am sitting myself down and taking slow deep breaths.

I’ll meditate, maybe watch a movie and be grateful that I am still taking in air. Tomorrow I am having a stress test/echocardiogram due to my over doing it and hopefully it will be clear!

So I am taking my own advice, nurturing my own spirit. Some of us just have to learn that way.