The Caretaker

Most women are the caretakers. We are the ones who not only do all that is involved in raising children to become healthy responsible adults (if I listed it all, this blog would go on long enough to become a book!) but we also care take our life partners, our aging parents, and the dogs/cats/gerbils etc living in our homes. We once had two adults, three daughters, two golden retrievers (one of which often had grand mal seizures involving urine spraying like a sprinkler in the middle of the night.) two white rats, a hamster named Freddie and an iguana named Igor living in one small ranch home at the same time. Yes, that was a run on sentence, in all its glory!

Then add on a full time job, keeping a home: grocery shopping, creating meals, vacuuming, dusting, laundry for an entire family, clothing said family, carpooling to soccer, dance lessons, piano lessons, PTA, girl scouts and hundreds of sleepovers/birthday parties. Then add doctor’s and dentist’s appointments plus taking time off work when the kids are ill or caught lice from someone in their classroom.

When I look back, I wonder where the energy came from! I have a feeling I was running on borrowed time and energy that is paying me back NOW with
Fibromyalgia and Sjogren’s Syndrome = constant pain everywhere. I ran until I was forced to LIE DOWN. I am not the kind of person who takes lying down easily either. I hate to feel useless, worthless, lazy or generally that I am being a slacker.

What am I supposed to be learning from this? That is what I have been asking myself the last two years while I have been in denial of my health issues. I have had to beat my head against the wall many times thinking I could still work, that I could still hike or even walk around a supersize supermarket by myself.

I now know I need to take care of MYSELF. This is difficult for a caretaker. I didn’t feel I deserved to be taken care of, even by myself! I thought I was being selfish! I was worried what others would say about me.
But reading blogs about loving yourself, working with the great Martha Beck and reading some wonderful self help books such as The Women’s Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden which I used with my clients when I was still working as a counselor.

It is a slow process. Martha Beck says we learn things slowly, turtle steps.
I try to remember to pace myself. I pick up dog poop in the back yard and then I rest. I load the dishwasher and then I take a nap. I eat a fresh peach or make myself a strawberry smoothie. I cuddle my goldens. I do my stretches for these aching muscles. I say The Serenity Prayer over and over.
For those who don’t know it:
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.

It is a stress reducer and lifesaver. It works. One day at a time.

So caretakers out there. Learn from my experience. Take care of yourself NOW. A few minutes at a time. Close your eyes. Take deep breaths. Picture your favorite place in the world or your best memory. Allow your muscles to relax. Let go. Whatever it is; the hockey game, the dirty dishes, or the book report your ten-year-old is supposed hand in tomorrow. It will wait ten minutes. So have a decaf mocha or a fresh peach and pet your dog.
You deserve it.