Reflections on Life

As I approach my fifty sixth birthday in a few weeks, I have been reflecting some on my life. How it has turned out differently than I expected, not either positively or negatively but just different.
And my expectations/dreams /goals changed as my life played out before me. As a child, I dreamed of becoming a veterinarian, a forest ranger, and owning a dog rescue ranch somewhere in the mountains. Back then there was no practicality in my vision, just dreams. Even in high school, when I had a goal of a college major in English and a future as a writer, I had no insight into how to make it happen. I believe now my low self-esteem and desire to escape my abusive home, led me to make impulsive decisions out of fear.
So my life led me to an early marriage, children, divorce, alcoholism and eventually recovery where I made more practical and realistic decisions for my future to support my children. I became a counselor with financial aid and went down a much different path than I had envisioned as a child.

When I remarried and as a couple we looked to the future, my husband and I didn’t plan on many of the challenges we found in our path to our united destiny. The loss of his family business which we thought had promised financial security, the loss of a child and grieving that loss shocked us both and put a seeming insurmountable chasm in our road.

Amazingly we made it through, raising our children to adulthood successfully and healing our marriage. Many relationships don’t survive the loss of a child as well as financial insecurity. I believe our spiritual life and love/commitment for each other is what saved us.

Chronic illness for me and loss of my full time income were unexpected challenges to both our spiritual and emotional senses as well as my physical health. We have definitely learned the meaning of living in the moment, taking it one day or hour at a time and being grateful for every minute.
In this economic climate, very few couples have the financial security that they had aspired to. So we are grateful to own our home and have no debt even though our retirement savings has dwindled where it has little meaning.

No one knows what the future holds even with the most well laid practical plans so I find solace in my faith and the joy of living just for today. It is all any of us ever have.