No matter how much we know or have experienced it always is important to have positive supportive people in our lives.
Their input and positive feedback, even if it’s something we already know, is so helpful. Many times I know something but because I am in pain or stressed, I haven’t thought of it.
Recently I had been telling myself I was in a funk and really down on myself. Other friends had given me feedback but to be honest it was a somewhat negative experience. They were, like myself, implying I had been doing something wrong and needed to “shape up” so to speak.
I have always thought I wanted friends who would be honest with me. That is still true to an extent but I have learned that “their” honesty/truth may not be my truth so it may not feel right/or even be helpful or supportive. I see this now looking back to when I have been “honest” with friends. The way I see their experience may not be what they are feeling at all, because it is coming from my experience, not theirs.
My friend Beth, who is a life coach and a very nurturing soul, pointed out to me that I have been grieving many things. The loss of my father, family support and grieving the loss of all the activities I can not do right now while I am experiencing so much pain. I have been beating myself up over this, instead of, as she suggested, looking at it as a positive thing, a gift, time to take care of myself and heal. Even though I had done this exact thing a couple years ago when first diagnosed, I had forgotten. Since I had felt somewhat better last year, I had a different mindset.
I also had been feeling bad for not having any desire to write on my blog. I had been asking myself why I even started blogging to begin with. I had placed a bunch of expectations on myself about what my blog should be.
Since I have been reading many other women’s blogs, I had become very judgmental of my own. Mine isn’t interesting enough, not funny enough; I don’t have great photos or clever writing.
I also don’t get many comments where some blogs I read have hundreds of followers!
When I thought about why I had started blogging I realized I had done it with no expectations. I just wanted to write when I felt like writing, write whatever I wanted and about whatever I felt at the time. I actually didn’t care if anyone read it or not. Commented or not. So when did I set myself up with all these expectations?
I don’t have a business I am marketing, not selling a book or in fact, not selling anything.
Back then, I was feeling good about myself and just wanted to share or express the joy.
Maybe I can start feeling the joy again. The unbridled passion. I’d sure like to. I think I already may be : )
