Moving On to 2010 : BELIEVE

WOW, way back in the 60’s and 70’s when I thought about the year 2000, it seemed too far off to even give much thought. Like science fiction, 2001: A Space Odyssey or Terminator when Judgement Day comes. I figured I’d be SO old by then, I’d probably be dead.

Well, here we are: I am still here by the grace of God and 2010 is right around the corner. It feels unreal and yet I have lived these last thirty years, gained sobriety, married, had a family, a career and grown as a person, spiritually, psychologically and continue to grow, even at this advanced age of 55.

2009 was an amazing year for me. Nothing much changed externally but internally: a tsunami!!! I made a vision board in the last months of 2008 and all of those dreams have manifested and come to be a reality! The faith that brought these goals forth blows me away. I didn’t realize I had it. I had prayed for it, the faith and it came. Looking back, I am happy my vision board dreams have come to fruition of course but the one true thing I am most joyful for is the FAITH. I trusted without any proof and it came to be. Grew, bubbled up inside me, a caterpillar in the cocoon/chrysalis and burst forward as a butterfly, full of life, love, BELIEF. What an amazing gift.

So I added a few new dreams to my vision board but left the others up as a talisman.
Proof that dreams can manifest, believing works. And will continue.

I have faith that good things will continue to come even with all the doubt and negativity in the world. Just as a caterpillar can totally dissolve in a chrysalis and come out an entirely new being, so can each of us.

Happy New Year!!!

Gifts I Give Myself

Things I Have Done in My Life and OH SO Glad I Did

Grew Up in a Small Town
Eaten Mulberries off the bush
Owned, Rode and Loved a Horse
Spent a great deal of time in the mountains
Known true love
Hiked through Yellowstone National Park and the Tetons
Birthed four beautiful daughters
Swam in the ocean, especially the warm gulf waters.
Witnessed the Sandhill Crane migration.
Learned to love being alone
Skied in Colorado
Became sober and gained recovery from alcoholism/addiction
And witnessed this miracle in many others
Had great sex.
Tasted luscious sea scallops in wine sauce.
Invented an imaginary family.
Made some extraordinary friendships
Had soothing therapeutic massages
Grown my own roses.
Watched the elk rut and bugling in RMNP
Eaten a banana split
Been loved unconditionally by many golden retrievers
Grown and gained insight through therapy
Cooked on a barbecue grill with a bison in Yellowstone
Learned yoga and meditation
Have lived in a small city
Cried at the sound of beautiful music
Read some amazing poetry and written some myself.
Belonged to the Girl Scouts
Soaked in a Jacuzzi under the stars
Ridden a motorcycle over the Continental Divide
Witnessed the births of my daughter’s firstborn children
Watched unbelievable sunrises and sunsets.
Owe No One. Own our house, cars, everything free and clear.
Held my mother’s hand when she went to Heaven
Believe in a Higher Power



Some Things I Haven’t Done But Would Love To Do


1) Haven’t seen Yellowstone in Winter
2) See truly wild animals in Africa
3) Gaze upon Denali /Mt. McKinley
4) Have coffee with some of my dear on line friends in person!
5) Visit Yosemite
6) Experience Gratitude and Serenity Everyday



Gifts I Give Myself

Permission to be ME, I am Enough
Meditation and guided imagery
Yoga and Centering
A Daily Gratitude List
A Daily Inventory
Alone time
Cuddle time with my pups
Allow myself mistakes, I’m not perfect
Live in the moment, it’s all we have. : )

Merry Christmas

The Simple Things of Comfort and Joy

In this season of goodness and light, comfort and joy and peace on earth goodwill toward men, I thought it might be good to write about living simply.
I have a friend who is skipping Christmas this year. Mainly because she has some personal therapeutic reason for doing so but also as a small rebellion to what our society has done to this holiday season.

To many it seems to have become only secular. An excuse to buy, buy, buy.
Which seems to begin LONG before Black Friday. I saw Christmas sales way before Halloween this year. I know the economy is hurting but Sheesh!
How many TV’s, blueray players, Ipods, I phones and whatever else can you have?
I find it ironic that just as Oprah tells all of us to live simply, cut back and be content with what we have, she owns at least five homes and in her magazine talks about her favorite things which usually are way beyond my pocketbook! How much is enough?
In this time of so much unemployment, homes being foreclosed and people in debt up to their eyeballs, what is living simply?
I think it begins with the spirit. If your soul is empty and wanting, we will want to fill it up. And we usually start with what we think are the easier quick fix ways. Like food, drugs, alcohol, and things.
I have been guilty of this. I tried to fill the hole within my soul with alcohol, didn’t work, sex: NADA. Food: well, that’s where comfort food got it’s definition but when you end up overweight with diabetes and heart problems; you need to look deeper.
Shopping is a very hollow way to find the answers. It lasts about five seconds once you walk in your front door. And then you need another fix.

I have seen it in children who can’t entertain themselves for five minutes without a Gameboy, Wii or movie to do it for them. When was the last time someone read them a book? Or took them on a nature walk in the forest where they could exam a squirrel’s skull, a robin’s nest or see who can find the most beautiful rock?

As far as we adults, what does living simply mean to you? Do you find yourself often bored, restless or just grumpy? Needing to fill that hole with “something”?

I recently went on a clean out spree. I cleaned out closets (anything I hadn’t used or worn in a year went!) I had held onto hundreds of books because I LOVE them. I so cherish holding a hardback book in my hands, smelling the pages, soaking up the graceful phrases and elegant words. But I realized I was being selfish. While these books were hugging my many bookcases, someone could actually be reading them! So I boxed them up and dropped them off at the public library to do with as they would.
After my big clean out, I felt cleansed. FREE. And I don’t intend to fill it up again with more stuff. Believe me, I am not living like a monk. I still have plenty of stuff. But I don’t feel as tied to it or owned by it all as I did before.

I have many sentimental keepsakes and things I cherish. Like my Red Willow china and my wooden St. Nick collections I also still have my favorite books that I love to read over and over. But I no longer feel any need to run out and buy something. I didn’t do Black Friday and in fact, I did a very small amount of shopping this holiday season. I bought my grandchildren books, which I hope they will enjoy having me read to them.
The rest I purchased from my easy chair via on line catalogs.

Maybe living simply is something that comes with age. At a certain age I began to realize it wasn’t what I physically had or how I looked that was important. Just like a corny Christmas movie, I learned that what is important is what’s inside. The friendships with other women that sustain me. My husband who loves me no matter how many wrinkles I have or how gray our hair. And my daughters who are now not only my adored daughters but cherished friends. And last but not least, my golden retrievers: Selka and Gunner who spend almost every minute of every day within a pat on the head or a stroke of their fur.

So many things bring comfort and joy to my life. Some are physical. A mocha latte’ is so much better enjoyed with a friend or a good movie watched with my husband, daughter or a soft golden body in my lap. But the most important is the quiet contentment as I look up at the full or crescent moon and think of my mom, who always called me to look out my window at it’s splendor. Or when I meditate to beautiful music and feel the presence of my Higher Power whose abiding unconditional love and acceptance gives me not only the courage to live simply but also the joy.

Snow Days and Holiday Movies.

The forecast says we can expect about a foot of snow and blizzard conditions over the next twenty-four hours. Schools are closed and traffic is slow (at least anyone who cares for their life and their car is driving defensively)
It’s a perfect day for baking Christmas cookies, making old fashioned dough ornaments, or playing in the snow if you are brave and don’t mind a forty mile an hour wind.

Also a wonderful day for sitting by the fire (if you have a fireplace, I don’t)
Sipping hot chocolate and watching your favorite Christmas movies.

My favorites don’t seem to be the typical variety such as “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “Miracle on Thirty Fourth Street” “Christmas Story” or “Christmas in Connecticut”. Mine lean toward the more modern. My special favorites are “If You Believe” which stars Hayden Pantierre back when she was about ten, playing the physical creation of an adult workaholic’s inner child. Throughout the movie, the woman, played by Ally Walker from the old TV show Profiler, begins to defrost from her Scroogelike personna and enjoy the small delights in life again. She also falls in love. Perfect holiday schmaltz!

Other holiday favorites are Meg Ryan’s “Sleepless in Seattle”, “When Harry Met Sally” and even “You’ve Got Mail”. Sandra Bullock in “While You Were Sleeping ” is such a funny happy tale that my girls and I memorized movie lines from this and the previous mentioned flicks. Good memories!

I also like to dig out “The Family Man “ with Nicholas Cage, “Home Alone” or even “Die Hard’! Of course we always watch our animated favorites “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” and Charlie Brown!

One I don’t like is ‘The Family Stone” a recent Christmas film where an all star cast portrays a family that spends the holiday get together seeing which female family member can be the biggest bitch. REALLY! Diane Keaton, Rachel McAdams and Sarah Jessica Parker play the meanest rudest women I have ever seen in a supposed holiday film. When I sit down to get myself into the holiday spirit, I sure don’t need tension and bickering to get me there. I have enough of that in my own family of origin! GEESH! Did the producers actually think that was funny?

A recent movie I like, if you can stomach the totally unneeded sex scenes, is “Love Actually” It never fails to make me feel like “Love is All Around”.
I also ordered the old Walton’s Christmas movie “The Homecoming” starring Patricia Neal which I watched as a girl at home. They played it every Christmas morning back in the day. I found it on Amazon and it should be arriving in my mailbox any day.

So whatever movies trip your Christmas trigger, cuddle up with the kids or a pup (like me and my golden duo) pour a cup of cocoa and lighten your mood with some holiday cheer, regardless of your religious views.

As Andy Williams sings: It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Rethinking / An Apology

Re thinking/Apology

Last week I wrote what I intended to be a blog about Giving and Humility. It ended up coming across as judgmental and self-righteous. I apologize to anyone who was offended.

This blog got me looking at INTENTION. My intention with the blog was to get the message out there that giving is about how good it makes you feel when you give from the heart, not to just look good or compete with your friends.

But I didn’t look at the intention behind those people’s giving that I was judging. Apparently the person who paid it forward at Starbucks did so because someone else had done that for her. And it made her day! And so she wanted to make someone else happy. She also thought announcing it on Facebook would encourage others to do the same thing.

I worked for nonprofits for thirty years. I know they need money desperately to keep their doors open. They don’t care why people give, as long as they do. So if people donate because their friends do, so what! As long as the people who need it get help. The outcome is what’s important. And a plaque on the wall with the donator’s names.

So it comes down to this: I still believe in giving from the heart with just the good feeling you get from it as your reward. But I can’t change society by myself. If parents don’t raise their children teaching them about giving just for the sake of giving and others think it is great to donate, pay it forward and announce it to the world, then just as long as the people who need it get help, that’s what is important. Who am I to judge?

Best of 2009: The First Seven

December 1 Trip. What was your best trip in 2009? I only went one place several times all year: Estes Park Colorado. My favorite place in the whole world. My spiritual home. Rocky Mountain National Park, elk bugeling and butting heads, golden aspens, gorgeous weather. HEAVEN!

December 2 Restaurant moment. Share the best restaurant experience you had this year. Who was there? What made it amazing? What taste stands out in your mind? Dinner with my hubby at Dunraven Inn in Estes Park. YUMMY giant sea scallops in a to die for wine sauce! YUM! My mouth is watering at 7 am just remembering!

December 3 Article. What's an article that you read that blew you away? That you shared with all your friends. That you Delicious'd and reference throughout the year. Hmmmmm. Read so many, hard to select one. I always love reading Martha Beck’s article’s in O magazine.

December 4 Book. What book - fiction or non - touched you? Where were you when you read it? Have you bought and given away multiple copies?
I read a lot! Both Julie Buxbaum and Katherine Center had new books come out and I loved them. I also read Harlan Coben, Lee Child and John Sandford mysteries and they were all excellent. My fave nonfiction book was Brene’ Brown’s book . That's all I can think of before coffee!


December 5 Night out. Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world? Who was there? What was the highlight of the night? I read my poems at a poetry reading at a local winery. My husband and I went out for ice cream after and it was just like a date. We have been married 29 years! The atmosphere at the reading was so supportive and romantic. We also had a couple very romantic dinners this year at the above Dunraven Inn!

December 6 Workshop or conference. Was there a conference or workshop you attended that was especially beneficial? Where was it? What did you learn? I attended a workshop on line on PNN by Brene’ Brown on being authentic and met so many cool women!!! It was growth inducing and supportive!

December 7 Blog find of the year. That gem of a blog you can't believe you didn't know about until this year. Brene’s Brown’s Ordinary Courage! She is a true gem!

Good Will Toward Men, Women and Children

This is the time of year people like to grab the Christmas spirit and do their part to help local charities and needy families.
I think this is wonderful. There are so many people in these difficult economic times who are going without, who have lost their jobs or are having a hard time just making ends meet. Food pantries, homeless shelters and hundreds of social service agencies are dependent on donations, both cash and in kind.

Of course it would be great if we participated in this kind of giving and good will all year long. Wouldn’t that be amazing? There would then probably be no need for all the fund raising at the holidays! Maybe.
Apparently some of us need the holiday season to jolt them into the giving spirit. As someone who worked for nonprofits 99% of my career, I am eternally grateful that November and December bring this side out in people.

Something I have noticed lately on Facebook and other social networks I peruse is that many seem to think they must announce their giving /donations to the world. Or they create a competition to see if they can guilt people into giving or turn giving into a contest to see who gives the most! Remember Oprah’s Big Give?
The winner actually won money for giving! I also noticed it lasted only one season.

GEESH!!!!! Whatever happened to giving to help others? Just to be nice? Just to be kind? Just to give back because you have been blessed with so much?
I was raised in a home where even though there was an outrageous amount of dysfunction going on and we probably could have used the food pantry ourselves at times, my mom still believed in helping from the heart. She also believed in doing your giving anonymously. My mom was a strong example of Humility In Action.
She taught us: if you do something nice for others, you don’t take credit for it, brag about it or tell others they should be doing the same thing! Once I left home, she always shone by example and never pushed me to donate as she did. Of course being raised as I was, I wanted to give back also. I have to admit there were times when we were very close to needing help ourselves and could only manage to give a few cans of soup or beans to the local food bank.

On the other side of the fence, I have heard friends brag about paying it forward at Starbucks!!!!
Not only do I consider it in poor taste to brag about it but if someone is in line in their SUV at Starbucks, they can probably afford to pay for their own latte’!!!! Maybe pay it forward at the local grocery warehouse!!!

If you always give, then thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

And if you don’t or haven’t been able before, there are so many needy organizations set up to help the homeless, hungry, unemployed and their animals that you don’t need me to tell you where and to whom to give. You can all look to your own higher power or conscience and decide what to give. Whether it’s one can of beans, one coat to a child, or one toy from Santa. And then feel deep down inside how blessed you are and tell no one. It feels so good and warms your own Grinch heart. God bless us everyone.